Patience Truly is a Virtue

I think one of the hardest lessons that we can learn today is to be content with truly being yourself. In the end, all we can do is give our all, and have true passions and hope that someone can see what we have to offer. This occurred to me today while continuing my job search. It's hard to get myself to sit down and keep applying when all the work and effort that I put into each application seems to be at no benefit. 99.999% of the time, you don't even hear from anyone. That desperate call or email to follow-up with the status of your application simply leads to grumbles and annoyances and the dreaded "We said we would notify you if we see it fit." Which leaves me to think, am I really not good enough for anyone? In the end, can't we all learn to be the best and grow, but how am I to learn and grow if no one will give me the chance? After all is said and done, I've learned that there really is no sound advice. We can only do what we are capable of doing and hope that someone will see that spark within us. If I truly put myself into each application and am truly genuine about who I am and how hard I'm willing to work, then someday, someone will recognize that. I don't want to jump the gun, but today my enthusiasm was recognized and this may not be a full step forward, but this is definitely a baby step that brings me to the conclusion that I'm on the right track. I can honestly say I do work at my full potential. Even in a position I despise, I do my best to deliver. All I have to do is simply be myself and be proud of who I am and my work and doors will open. They may be feet, miles, countries away, but somewhere out there I know there's an door with an opportunity waiting for me and small reminders like today let me know it's approaching.

One year older, another year to be gay.

Today I was feeling really stifled in my apt and really just wanted to get out. Just before I left, a good friend chatted me on gmail and sent me a link to a video that they said reminded me of this blog. I kind of put it aside and said my thanks and hit the road.

It's my birthday tomorrow and for some reason, I always get this anxious and apprehensive feeling around my birthday so I wanted to take an afternoon and evening to myself. There's something about my birthday that makes me reflect on everything one could possibly reflect on in terms of myself. I decided to try this placed called Berlin Currywurst (which was absolutely DIVINE btw) I read about on this website all about food in LA and then wanted to attempt to apply to different job openings at a coffee shop nearby. As I sat there, unproductive, I went back to the link my friend sent to me and decided to watch it. It sent chills down my spine how everything this man was speaking about and the ideas he was putting forth were exactly the root of my original ideas for this blog. As I started straying away from my blog and took a hiatus I forget about my original motive with starting this blog, to find something I'm happy about and to live a happier life. This video truly inspired me to continue with that attitude. He talked about the three A's to live an awesome life: Attitude, Awareness, and Authenticity. He talked about having the attitude to appreciate the little things in life. To choose to move on through difficult times and to look towards the future instead of dwelling in the present. Next, having the awareness of a three-year old. To act as if you're experiencing everything for the first time, that life is wonderful and inspiring. Lastly, to live authentically- something I struggled with for a long time and still do- to live as yourself, be true to yourself, and be happy with yourself. What a better way to start of my 23rd year with the mindset that I want to truly savor each day. And so now I sit here. Content. I'm looking around this coffee shop and everyone is smiling and laughing (I'm not joking btw) and think to myself, I have plenty of reason to smile as well. I may not have accomplished all I wanted to accomplish when I was 22, but today, I still had delicious German sausage (& freshly fried french fries!!), was asked by the cashier how my week was with a sense of sincerity (not to mention a slightly attractive one), and placed a real cube of sugar (I thought this was so cute!) into my coffee. Today was a good day. As I turn 23 in a little over an hour, I can't help but think, here's to another truly gay year.

Wanna check out the 3 A's for Awesome!

Inspiration for this blog

NEW DIRECTIONS

       After taking a mini hiatus from the blog world, it dawned on me that I was approaching this blog all wrong. My original premise was to find something I'm happy about everyday and blog about that. The key word here is "find". In order to find something, you have to stop and look for it right? That was the problem. If I originally started this blog in order to maintain happiness and to find those moments in daily life, being content and drifting along isn't the way to go. I found myself, sitting there, reflecting on my day and forcing myself to spit out an entry. So, what do you always do when things don't end up going as planned? You make changes and roll with it! I'm not gonna force myself to spew out entry after entry, because let's face it, there's not always enough time in the day. Plus, I should be out making an effort to do what I love. If being an International Development Studies graduate has taught me anything, it's taught me that when you're not content with the world around you to get out there and do something about it. So if I'm discontent with the working life, why not take more action to do things I love? I was originally on this mini-vacation with my blog because I was too busy assembling my very own clock, painting an ode to my time in Spain, and catching up with old friends. Just as I should be doing, I was going back to things I once had passion for and enjoyed. So, from here on out, I'll blog when I'm inspired to as I take active steps in my life! Whether I'm gay over bursts of creativity, delicious food, or family & friends, this blog is all about everything that makes me happy!

NICE PEOPLE

As we run our busy lives, it's often easy to brush off the little inconveniences when we know that being passive won't directly affect us. Sometimes though, little things come up that make you realize this isn't always the case. After it dawned on me that my W2 form for my job working at UCLA was most likely sent to my old apartment, I finally got around to calling so that I can track it down. Sure enough, it was in fact sent there. I was then told that I could only get it sent to my present address once my W2 was returned to their office by someone. As the lady put me on hold to check if someone did return it, I thought, oh great, what college student would even care to notice it was someone's W2 form and go through the trouble of having it returned to sender? I'm sure they get other people's mail all the time and set it aside. I mean, in all honesty, I wouldn't have gotten around to that. About ready to go over other options or plan my trek down to my old apartment, the receptionist finally returned. "Yep, someone went ahead and returned it to us, so we'll have it at our office for you to come pick up!" I guess I underestimate people sometimes. Thank you. 

VITALITY

     When you work a 9 to 5 job, it's easy to get into that mindset that everyday is the same routine and life becomes so mundane. It's time like these where I find myself not really caring about how I dress at work. When I'm in the office, I envision all these things I wanna accomplish, but once I get through a nine-hour work day, I suddenly have no more motivation and energy to do so. Life becomes one big blur. This blog actually started as one of my many inspirations that my mind comes across at work one day. The only difference this time is that it damn well came true! Why? Because I got myself over that slump and gathered enough motivation to do so. This morning, for the first time in literally months, I actually showered before work and arrived feeling fresh and put together. It's nice to take pride in yourself on a daily basis. In my opinion, taking time to make yourself presentable on a daily basis is a form of showing you're ready to take on the day. It shows a sense of vitality. It all starts with those first few minutes after waking up. Sure, today wasn't the most exciting day of my life, but it's still a new day and it's good to remind myself not to lose that life within me.

THOUGHTS ON DRIVING

Today, approaching a red light on a busy street, I realized that if I pulled up to the car in front of me, I would've blocked the way for a woman trying to make a left turn into a driveway. I gave her enough room to pull in before proceeding. I like to be nice on the roads when I can. Who said you have to be an aggressive driver to make it in LA? Thinking about it, I've never even used my horn on my mom's car since I've been using it since last summer. I think I'd like to keep it that way!

FOODGASMS

**New~*FaBuLoUs*~ header courtesy of Peter Ngaou

     Everyone who knows me knows that food can sometimes bring me weak to my knees. Food is my drug. Give me basket of fries and I'll be transported to a state of eternal bliss until I'm reminded of all the calories & fat I just inhaled. Yes, I literally inhale my food. I've lost track of how many times I've burned my tongue from impatiently taking my first bite out of my fresh-off-the-stove meals. Yes, I know I should work on slowing down and really taking my time to let the different flavors overtake my taste buds with culinary delight. Well, today, I decided to do just that. I took a nice stroll down to the intersection of Food Lane and Delicious Blvd and let me tell you the scenery was beautiful beyond words.

I was at Lemonade today in Venice and was intrigued by all the different ingredients that they combine in their dishes. Many times if you were given a list of different ingredients, you wouldn't think to combine some of the food items that they do. In the end, they all complement each other in perfect harmony. Let's start off with the light blend of chicken breast cubes tossed with butternut squash, chives, grapes, and sprinkled with slivered toasted almonds. I take a bite into the juicy chicken when, low and behold, the crunch of that almond gives me that edge I like, only to be brought back down to earth with a delightful finish thanks to mr. grape. If that wasn't enough, I move on to the next treat: Israeli couscous tossed with wild mushrooms. Only this couscous is not just Israeli- he's mixed. He's got some Italian in him. Joined in the mix is a dash of Parmesan cheese & Italian parsley doused in lemon truffle. The lemon truffle gives you a nice kick, but it's ok, because I was then pampered by the next one. In the next dish, slivers of watermelon radish soaked in sesame oil joined with seared ahi tuna almost melted in my mouth. If it wasn't for the snap peas to give me something to cling on to, I might have drowned! At last, my meal wouldn't have been complete without the golden, scrumptious bundle of cauliflower coated in curry with some golden raisins and almonds once again added to the mix, bringing me back full circle. At the end of this journey at the corner of Food Lane and Delicious Blvd was an airport and my taste buds just boarded first class on Succulent Airlines. The destination? A place where all foods can live in perfect harmony. Where foods from all different parts of the world, shapes, sizes, and colors can all frolic and play together in my mouth. Grapes can mingle with squash- raisins can shake hands with cauliflower- and who said almonds can't be on the side with meat-eaters and vegetarians alike? Together, differences aside, they all somehow work. And it's beautiful. Maybe we could all learn from this.

LIVING LOCAL

I was making my way down to the coffee shop down the street from my apartment, Cacao Coffee House, taking in the slightly cool breeze in my bright red, yet comfortable sweater I got from Spain. It's times like these that really make me feel like this is my home; waking up on a lazy Saturday, putting on my most comfortable attire, and making my way to the local, artsy, hole-in-the wall coffee joint to sip on some coffee while attempting to send out more resumes.

There's something about getting to know all the nooks and crannies around my apartment that gives me a warm feeling inside. Whether it's my roommates and I stumbling into the local diner, Cafe 50's, to cure our hangovers while rocking the bed-head hair and still branded by the stamps from all the clubs and bars we hit up the night before or getting my fix of froyo from that tacky frozen yogurt joint a couple of stores down, Froplay, it's all just a hop and a skip away. 

Last night, my roommate Jess & I took a late-night stroll for some grub at another local joint, Delores'. Giggling at the awkward stories in the latest Sex Issue of LA-Weekly (Supposedly after at study at UCLA, on the top of the list of movies girls like to watch before sex, Shrek was on the list? wtf?) and having a laugh over the ridiculous pricing (4 slices of tomatoes for $2.99), I remember about 7 months ago when Vanessa, Tobit, Jess, & I all took a seat at this very same restaurant to enjoy our first late-night dinner together the first night we first moved into the townhouse. I was fresh out of college and this was all so new and exciting. I couldn't believe I was moving into my first place and starting my journey to a career.  Here I was, 7 months later in the same exact restaurant, and I feel at home. 

VALUABLE

   For a while, It was a struggle at work to feel like my hard work was being recognized. Time and time again I would have days where I felt like everyone around me was getting added on responsibility while I was one of the very few left to do all the basic tasks and essentially have others tell me what I should be working on. While we all started at the same level, I slowly began attending to these very same people. Yes I know, why was I complaining when I pretty much had the easy way out? Less responsibility means less work in an office where I wasn't even passionate about the work anyway right? Well, for some reason, I almost took offense that my boss didn't trust that I had the capabilities. Being placed below my fellow coworkers who took pride in getting through the day doing as little work as possible doesn't exactly do good for your ego. These were the people who made an effort to come in at 5:00 AM before others show up in the office so that they could take their 3 hour nap before the rest of the office began to arrive around 8:00AM. Let's just say my department and the people who make up my department are a lot like middle schoolers. You know the days where it wasn't cool to be smart and do your work and get good grades? So you can imagine not only being almost ridiculed for doing my work but also feeling as if  I'm not getting any recognition for it.

I know everyone's thinking this is supposed to be an uplifting and positive blog right? Well, you're right! Enough of the negative thoughts! That was the past and I'm happy to say I decided to take a different approach at work. In the past, I came into work day after day, looking to please others. I was waiting for praise from my boss and feeing accepted by my teammates. We spend our whole lives trying to please others. We look to our parents and want to make them proud of us. We invest a lot of time and money into working out at the gym and buying clothes and products to make ourselves presentable to the outside world. I decided that rather than working to impress other people, I was going to work for myself. I was going to do my work effectively and efficiently because that would make me happy. To know that I'm a valuable asset to the company and that I'm doing the best that I can is good enough. Sure, my job is quite boring and repetitive but at least I can say I'm proud of my daily work. At the end of the day, I can say I made my contribution to the company.

Today, especially, one small incident made me smile. Today, especially, I felt like I made my mini contribution to my department. A few weeks ago, my boss sent us an email saying that she wanted to implement an internal slogan for our department to the rest of the company. She wanted to create a tagline that summed up what our specific department represents and asked for our suggestions. I decided to give my input and a few days later we were sent all of the suggestions from other people and were told to vote on our favorite. We never heard the results and this was slipped under the rug amidst all the workload during the busiest season at the office. Well this morning, walking into the office like any other day, we all sat down to name tags above our desks and the company logo followed by, yes, the tagline that I suggested: "Creating the perfect image."Taken lightly and mainly an act to try and induce excitement and a little flair to our mundane work day, this was really nothing to be worked up over. This was simply an internal slogan which may never even catch on with the rest of the company. No one would even know that I was the one who thought up this tagline except for the few people around me who I mentioned it to when I first sat down at my desk and saw the new name tags. However, for those few seconds, I was genuinely happy. We're all valuable in some way or another whether we see it or not. As little as this was, I made my small contribution to the department. In a symbolic sense, even when I'm let go or decide to leave this company, I left my mark on this company and a small part of me will still be left behind. I can always look up and remind myself with a smile that I am truly valuable.

BLOGGING

      I must put it out there that this post isn't the ideal "first post". I was working on this really elaborate, insightful, and creative entry as my first blog post when I realized one of the reasons I decided to start writing a blog in the first place. I, personally, am not good with words and being able to put into words how I feel. Through my quest to find happiness in the little (or big) moments of my daily life, I'm also on a secondary quest to become a better writer. Not only to become a better writer, but to be more comfortable with learning how to express myself through words.  I was attempting to write this really clever entry on acceptance and making a reference to my blog title Gay Living with being sexually "gay" but also being "gay" in a happy sense and was on my way to making this profound conclusion and ended up getting lost in my own thoughts and words. Four hours and one paragraph in later, I drove myself right onto a dead-end road known as Writers Block (There, I've made my clever statement of the day) Going with my original theme of being happy about acceptance, I am happy to accept that I am not that good of a writer...yet. However, I am happy to start this blog and make my journey towards being a more effective and efficient writer. I'm happy that someday I won't have to fish for the right word and end up finally settling for a word only to lose my train of thought. I'm happy that someday I won't be staring at a blank page in front of me for hours in an attempt to finish a cover letter for a job. Most of all, I'm happy that just when I was about to give up and go to sleep, I decided to stay positive (as this blog suggests!) and realize that if I keep putting off officially starting this blog, that I'll never get this blog started because I'll never be completely satisfied with what I wrote anyway. Today, I'm happy to finally start Blogging!